Seriously Guys?

As a native Detroiter there are some things I am required to like. Hockey, Kid Rock, ridiculously small monorail systems (The People Mover), and Eminem. Which is why I was excited to know that Em was coming out with a new single, especially one featuring Dr. Dre. We all know Dre discovered Eminem, and signed him (even tho he's a white boy from the trailer park) and everything they have ever collaborated on has been fantastic.

Here is the thing I have to admit to you dear reader, sometimes when I'm listening to their music I wonder if there is a little more than a bromance going on there. I mean, we all know the two of them are tight, but maybe a little to tight? I don't want to be the one to come out and say it, but anyone who knows me knows I have excellent gaydar, and I'm going on the record and saying Eminem and Dr. Dre are gay together.

Let it sink in, just swish it around in your head for a second and really get a feel for that statement. I know what you're thinking, you wonder how I could possibly have come to such a conclusion. I mean sure in the song "My Dad's Gone Crazy" Eminem actually DOES say "All this time me and Dre been f***ing with hats off" to which Dre replies "suck it, Marshall". Yeah that could just be for the humor of it. Everyone who loves Slim Shady knows he writes some funny stuff, this could just be funny right? THATS what I thought until the first time I heard the new song "I need a Doctor".

I need a Doctor is CLEARLY a song about two guys that are gay together. As a card carry Fruit Fly (chick that hangs out with a lot of gay dudes) I can spot this stuff a MILE away. The thing is, I didn't need a mile, because with this song they climbed to the top of gay mountain, with magenta duffle bags, rainbow tethers, and gucci snow shoes and just SCREAMED "we're here we're fabulous" as loud as they possibly could. This is why I believe it to be true.

The first section of the song, sung by Eminem, goes a little something like this.

I told the world, one day I would pay it back.
Say it on tape and lay it, record it, so that one day I could play it back.
But I don't even know if I believe it when I'm saying that.
Doubt startin' to creep in, everyday it's just so grey and black.
Hope, I just need a ray of that
'Cause no one sees my vision
When I play it for 'em, they just say it's whack.
But they don't know what dope is.
And I don't know if I was awake or asleep when I wrote this.
All I know is you came to me when I was at my lowest.
You picked me up, breathed new life in me. I owe my life to you.
But for the life of me, I don't see why you don't see like I do.
But it just dawned on me; you lost a son. Demon's fightin' you, it's dark.
Let me turn on the lights and brighten me and enlighten you.
I don't think you realize what you mean to me, not the slightest clue.
'Cause me and you, were like a crew. I was like your sidekick.
You gon' either wanna fight when I get off this f-cking mic,
Or you gon' hug me. But I'm out of options, there's nothing else I can do cause...

This is the part where Eminem comes out and openly admits he is in love with Dr. Dre. The key sentences are; "You came to me when I was at my lowest, you picked me up, breathed new life in me, I owe my life to you" also "I don't think you realize what you mean to me, not the slightest clue." and "you gon' either wanna fight when I get off this mic, or you gon hug me."

Any Eminem fan knows he was at his lowest every time he was with Kim, who is his two time wife, and mother of his child. He has also tried to murder her a few times, you know, the usual.

So when he's at his lowest, because of a woman, Dre came to him and "breathed new life in me". That phrase is what really sticks out for me, because of the word "breathed" which implies mouth to mouth exchanges of oxygen. Sometimes that happens when you're making out... just sayin.

Also he owes his life to him, maybe because Dre got him away women?

Then it takes a turn for the sad when it becomes clear that Em was just a fling for Dre. Dre just wanted to get a little something something. However it really meant a lot to Em, and Dre "didn't have the slightest clue". Either way Eminem is letting Dre know his true feelings in this song, and Dre will either accept said feelings and "hug" Em, or "gon wanna fight when I get off this mic". Slim Shady is REALLY putting his feelings on the line, and good for him. There aren't enough gay role models in the world, there really aren't.

Eminem goes on to talk about Dre as a mentor (or Daddy, in the gay community) but it doesn't really get interesting (gay) until this section;

You risked your career for me, I know it as well as you.
Nobody wanted to f-ck with the white boy...
Dre, I'm crying in this booth.
You saved my life, now maybe it's my time to save yours.
But I can never repay you, what you did for me is way more.
But I ain't giving up faith, and you ain't giving up on me.
Get up Dre! I'm dying, I need you, come back for f-ck's sake

Eminem tells us Dre risked his career for his relationship with him, because nobody wanted to "f**k with the white boy". He was so happy to finally be accepted by Dre that the thought of it makes him shed tears in the booth.

It then gets really desperate, and I honestly picture Eminem on his knees begging to get Dre back when he says "I'm dying, I need you, come back". Have you ever seen one gay man try to get back with another who wants nothing to do with it? Talk about drama, the whole "I'm dying" thing fits right in.

So far we've seen pretty clearly that Eminem is gay for Dr. Dre, but is Dr. Dre gay for Eminem? Is it just Em just making the mistake every gay man makes in their life, falling for a straight guy?

No, dear reader, no it's not. Dre returns Eminems feelings when he takes the mic:

It literally feels like a lifetime ago
But I still remember the sh-t like it was just yesterday though
You walked in, yellow jump suit
Whole room, cracked jokes
Once you got inside the booth, told you, like smoke
Went through friends, some of them I put on
But they just left, they said was riding to the death
But where the f-ck are they now
Now that I need them, I don't see none of them
All I see is Slim
F-ck all you fairweather friends
All I need is him

Right off the bat Dre is talking about cloths. He remembers, like it was yesterday, what Eminem was wearing. (side note, "yellow jumpsuit"?! if that's not homosexual, then I don't know what is.)

Dre goes on the say once he started his relationship with Eminem all his fair weather friends left him because of what he was doing. We all know the rap scene is notoriously not supportive of the gay lifestyle, is it really a surprise that all his hardcore friends would leave him for embracing their forbidden love? It doesn't matter because all Dre "sees", and "needs" is Slim (Shady), as he clearly states in the above lyrics.

I know all of this could just be speculation, and maybe they really are just good friends, but I offer you one last bit of evidence. Now dear reader, this section is about to get graphic, as a slang term for a gay man is coming up that many many people find offensive. The word starts with an F, and is a disgusting word used to describe gay men (or cigarettes in some countries). I am going to switch it to "rainbows" for the purpose of this article. The line is:

Now you bout to feel the f-cking wrath of aftermath rainbows

Now at first glance it may seem he is calling the fair weather friends that deserted him "rainbows", and lets face it, that could be right. However I submit to you, that he is actually referring to himself and Eminem as "aftermath rainbows". As in they are in charge of Aftermath recordings, and are also "rainbows".

I guess in order to know for sure we would have to see what punctuation is used, but with the other evidence offered above I believe this is the nail on the gay, hot pink, flaming, coffin.

Thoughts?